Is God a Helicopter Parent?

This morning while attending the Washington National Cathedral service, one of the readings was Matthew 10 which includes the verses “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from you Father. And even the hairs of your head are all counted. So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

Over the years, I have heard people quote this verse to imply that God cares about us so much that he knows the smallest details about our lives down to the number of hairs on our head.  To these people, this verse and its implied concept feels comforting. God knows the details of small sparrow’s lives, and God cares so much about me that he knows how many hairs are on my head. That’s amazing! God knows everything about me – even the number of hairs on my head. Of course, we have to wonder how these verses apply to those who are bald.

When we moved to Oregon in 1994 I was introduced to a book entitled Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The book explains two common, and unhelpful parenting styles – The Authoritarian and The Helicopter, and offers a third more loving approach that teaches children the consequences of their actions in age appropriate situations – Love & Logic. One of the common parenting styles that I still see used today is that of the Helicopter Parent. This parent hovers around the child making sure that nothing goes wrong. If the child messes up in any way, the parent is there to pick up the pieces. And more often than not, swoops in to prevent the child messing up in the first place. How is the child to learn the consequences of their actions and choices? 

IS GOD A HELICOPTER PARENT?

Imagining that God know how many hairs are on my head feels like a Helicopter Parent.

Which is why this verse can be a bit disconcerting for some of us; this passage can feel a little like being micromanaged. God knows everything about me, even down to the number of hairs on my head. I mean, why? Why would God care about the hairs on my head? Aren’t there more important things to be concerned about? And, it can feel invasive. 

I think our spiritual life is a journey through trial and error, a time for us to learn from the consequences of our actions and choices, a time for us to learn and grow.

And so I think the danger of the idea that God knows the intricate details of our lives is that it can also inadvertently, unconsciously, put so much responsibility onto God for our daily life and the decisions we make – which I think can be dangerous for our spiritual psyche.

IDIOMS

I believe this passage is using an idiom of the day to make an important point. Other idioms we are more familiar with are: “over the moon” when we are extremely happy about something. I got the job I wanted: I am over the moon! Or my second grandson was born and I am feeling over the moon!  Another idiom we use often is “seeing the light”. Somebody explains something to us that was confusing and now we get it. We ‘see the light’. Aha, now I understand what you mean. 

We tend not to use this one about the number of hairs on our head ~ but the message is still relevant to us today. It is not God micromanaging our lives, and it actually may not be comforting at first glance, but this idiom and the meaning behind it can leave us feeling at peace, and help us live with gratitude for each day. 

FUN FACTS ABOUT HAIR

Did you know that on average you lose between 50-150 hairs each day!!  If you’re a woman the number is highest during your monthly cycle. And along with hormonal changes, your gender, age, and genetics also plays a role in the numbers. On average, about 90% of our hair remains on our head as a constant in the form of new hair growing (this is the peach fuzz that we can barely see, and the hair that we can see) and about 10% of our hair is being lost each day. Our hair grows fastest when we are asleep, and when we are sick (when we have more red blood cells). Apparently, the average length of life for a strand of hair is 4-8 years. There is a lot of very interesting information that we can learn about our hair, but I think we have set the scene in understanding that keeping tabs on the literal number of hairs on each human’s head would be a full time job for anyone who was vaguely interested. I admit that God could, but why?

EIGHT USES OF THE HAIR IDIOM IN SCRIPTURE

There are eight instances throughout Scripture that uses the idiom of the number of hairs on someone’s head. The Old Testaments uses of this idiom are done so by kings Saul, David and Solomon

1 Samuel 14:43-45

Then Saul said to Jonathan, “Tell me what you have done”. So Jonathan told him, “I tasted a little honey with the end of my staff. And now I must die!” Saul said, “May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if you do not die, Jonathan.” But the men said to Saul, “Should Jonathan die—he who has brought about this great deliverance in Israel? Never! As surely as the Lord lives, not a hair of his head will fall to the ground, for he did this today with God’s help.” So the men rescued Jonathan, and he was not put to death.

Not a hair of Jonathan’s head fell to the ground: he was not put to death.

2 Samuel 14: 11

She said, “Then let the king invoke the Lord his God to prevent the avenger of blood from adding to the destruction, so that my son will not be destroyed.” “As surely as the Lord lives,” he said, “not one hair of your son’s head will fall to the ground.”

Not a hair of the son’s head will fall to the ground: he will not die.

1 Kings 1:52

Solomon replied, “If he shows himself to be worthy, not a hair of his head will fall to the ground; but if evil is found in him, he will die.”

If he is worthy not a hair will fall to the ground: but if he is evil he will die.

Psalm 14:11-12

Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord: may your love and faithfulness always protect me. For troubles without number surround me: my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased to save me, Lord; come quickly, Lord, to help me. May all who want to take my lifebe put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace.

David fears his death.

Luke 12:4, 7, 25

I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after than can do no more. … Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows … Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?  [Luke 12:4, 7 & 25]

We cannot add an hour to our lives: our hairs are numbered.

(This is the parallel verse to the one in Mathew that we read at the beginning of this post)

Luke 21: 12, 16-19

But before all this, they will seize you and persecute you. They will hand you over to the synagogues and put you in prison, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name … You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters relatives, and friends, and they will put some of you to death. Everyone will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish.Stand firm, and you will win life.  [Luke 21:12, 16-19]

The Greek word for perish is “apollumi” meaning destroy, die, lose, mar – both literally or figuratively.

Not a hair will perish: stand firm and win life.

Acts 27: 23-24, 34

After they had gone a long time without food, Paul stood up before them and said: “Men, you should have taken my advice not to sail from Crete: then you would have spared yourselves this damage and loss. But now I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost: only the ship will be destroyed. Last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me and said, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you …Now I urge you to take some food. You need it to survive. Not one of you will lose a single hair from his head.”

God has assured the lives of all those on the ship. No-one will lose a single hair.

To summarize this collection of passages that use the idiom about the hairs on our head, I believe it is safe to conclude that the idioms of not “losing a single hair” and “one hair falling to the ground” refer to time and death. Even more than a sparrow, none of us will die without God being intimating aware. And we cannot add a single hour by worrying. 

LIVE INTENTIONALLY

Ecclesiastes 3:2 tells us that there is “a time to be born, and a time to die.” However, there are three phases to life: birth, death, and the middle bit. The living part. We have no control over our birth or death. Medical experts can predict a baby’s birth to around nine months after conception … but we actually don’t know the exact day until the baby arrives, and this is why most baby showers these days have a Guess The Birth Date game.  And at the end of our life we do not know the exact day, and even if we are under hospice care, staff may be able to see the signs that life is coming to an end, but again they cannot predict the exact day.   Let’s leave these dates of birth and death to our Creator, who is intimating involved in both.

What we can pay attention to is the middle bit – the living bit. How are we doing? 

Are we mindful and intentional, and doing our work … as Job 14:5-6 says: A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed. So (God) look away from him and let him alone, till he has put in his time like a hired laborer.

Or are we plodding along mindlessly and like a fleeting shadow (Job 14:2)?